No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
