Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
