hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
