Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
