I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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