Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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