The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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