need another drink. this is the easiest way
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
