i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
