I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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