Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
As shirtless as possible
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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