he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
