He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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