she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize