Im at strip club and am horny
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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