Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
