U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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