if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
