Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
