I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
