is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
