no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
