He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
