Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize