I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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