Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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