i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
we're making bets on your personal life
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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