so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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