You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
