dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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