Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
