why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
