I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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