Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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