fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
