I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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