he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
