im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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