??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
