she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
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why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
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why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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