And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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