He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
