I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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