and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
bring money and cleavage
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
