cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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