some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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