she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
