But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
