that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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