Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize