Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
