i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
