He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
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we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
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you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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