so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
