You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
