I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You can't motorboat a personality
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
