I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
