end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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