yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
