I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
